the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
