New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
