it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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