So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
