look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
