you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
