I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
