I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We smell like vodka and hangover
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
