and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So squirting runs in the family.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
