i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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