The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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