hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
