I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
