So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
