i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
