I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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