dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I checked into jail on foursquare
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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