Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
