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My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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