It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
