I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
