When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
