You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
