You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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