Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
