Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I touched a dick in church today
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