i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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