I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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