Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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