I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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