That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
