Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
