why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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