East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
