the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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