All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
