I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
