u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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