i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
