i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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