You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All I want is dick and wine.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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