So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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