You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
