The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
