Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want is dick and wine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
