I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
