So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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