Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
