Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
