How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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