Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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