My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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