you guys were way drunker than both of me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
