my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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