he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
