either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
