please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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