i think my tv is drunk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
