How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
