I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
