sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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