That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize