It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
