so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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