Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
