Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
